Dear Leadership of LC/NA:
Given the dramatic crossroads we are at within the organization and within the movement, I have decided that it is time for LC/NA to make some necessary changes to its strategy and operations. I believe that these changes will help us to achieve the full participation that has eluded us for so long. I will incorporate these into the strategic plan. Please adjust your priorities accordingly.
- We will expand our community organizing skills by including “mime.” There is something very powerful about people in black-and-white striped shirts and berets that will engage the “movable middle” into embracing full participation. If not, we will simply trap those who oppose us in an invisible glass box.
- We will now sort our RIC churches into three categories: tall, grande, and venti.
- Rebranding will roll forward with our new name: “Hot and Lutheran Since 1517.” The logo will feature a lot of flames.
- Prospecting of RIC congregations will start with standing outside of worship with a sandwich board sign that reads “Free Hugs.” When people try to hug the person wearing a sandwich board, it will be difficult and both people will laugh. That will break the ice and allow the conversation to continue.
- We will abandon our philosophy of “graceful engagement from within” and now focus on “socially awkward contact.”
- Our web site will feature photos of the sacristy of RIC congregations, so potential visitors can make an informed decision.
- Staff will now wear uniforms, to be designed by the same person that designs the clothes Lady Gaga wears in her music videos. Uniforms will feature cumbersome eyewear.
- Let Justice Roll will now feature a dance number by the various board and committees of LC/NA and Let Justice Roll. The board will do the foxtrot. Chaplains will perform a modern dance. Staff will do salsa. Legislative Team members will perform country line dancing. Regional Coordinators will judge.
Interim Provisional Acting Executive Director
Hot and Lutheran Since 1517