Thursday, April 1, 2010

LC/NA Announces New Strategic Plan

The following notice has been sent to leaders of Lutherans Concerned.

Dear Leadership of LC/NA:

Given the dramatic crossroads we are at within the organization and within the movement, I have decided that it is time for LC/NA to make some necessary changes to its strategy and operations. I believe that these changes will help us to achieve the full participation that has eluded us for so long. I will incorporate these into the strategic plan. Please adjust your priorities accordingly.
  • We will expand our community organizing skills by including “mime.” There is something very powerful about people in black-and-white striped shirts and berets that will engage the “movable middle” into embracing full participation. If not, we will simply trap those who oppose us in an invisible glass box.
  • We will now sort our RIC churches into three categories: tall, grande, and venti.
  • Rebranding will roll forward with our new name: “Hot and Lutheran Since 1517.” The logo will feature a lot of flames.
  • Prospecting of RIC congregations will start with standing outside of worship with a sandwich board sign that reads “Free Hugs.” When people try to hug the person wearing a sandwich board, it will be difficult and both people will laugh. That will break the ice and allow the conversation to continue.
  • We will abandon our philosophy of “graceful engagement from within” and now focus on “socially awkward contact.”
  • Our web site will feature photos of the sacristy of RIC congregations, so potential visitors can make an informed decision.
  • Staff will now wear uniforms, to be designed by the same person that designs the clothes Lady Gaga wears in her music videos. Uniforms will feature cumbersome eyewear.
  • Let Justice Roll will now feature a dance number by the various board and committees of LC/NA and Let Justice Roll. The board will do the foxtrot. Chaplains will perform a modern dance. Staff will do salsa. Legislative Team members will perform country line dancing. Regional Coordinators will judge.
Implementation of these new strategic moves will begin effective April 1, 2010.

Russ Murray
Interim Provisional Acting Executive Director
Hot and Lutheran Since 1517 

2 comments:

  1. Okay, fine, but can your mimes respect the bound consciences of organizations such as Clowns for Christ?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was going to comment, but after reading Josh's post, realized my input wasn't that clever. Let it suffice to say I approve of this plan.

    ReplyDelete

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